The first person I struggled to come out to was myself. I remember thinking that something was different, but it's hard to say if that was just normal feelings that everybody has or if it had something to do with me being gay. When I was in year 8 it was mostly a sexual thing. I would get turned on by things that would make me ashamed. Some how I was able to find a friend during this years that would understand me, at least somewhat. His name was Joe and he was my first crush.
It wasn't until year 8 though that I started to consider that I might be gay.I convinced myself that if I looked at enough naked men I could become immune to being gay. I would spend hours and hours exhausting all the free male pornography I could find.A few months after that, and probably because of it, I became much more laid back and sociable. I found myself having friends every where I went and since I actually was being social people started asking me personal questions and that’s when I started becoming known as a “gay guy”. But it’s all cool I don’t really mind it, lol because I am a gay guy.
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aw. I had a huge crush on Joe. I suspected he was kinda gay, but I kept denying it. I was crushed when I found out about you and Joe. lol. I got over it though <3
ReplyDelete-still reading ur blogs ;)
ROFL!
ReplyDeleteI think every gay guy has his story to tell, and each one is a bit different. Some are easy like "Mom, I'm gay" "Yeah, we know" and some are well, less polite.
ReplyDeleteComing out to your friends is the first stage, but truly understanding yourself and where your heart leans is being comfortable. It's actually guite liberated. I, too am known among my friends as 'the gay one', and while to some it might be demeaning and degrading, I know it is said in friendly banter. When they say it, I no longer feel scared or have the long time habitual reflex of saying "I'm not gay".
I guess what I am saying is that no matter what you are feeling, there is someone that has been through it, someone that has come out the other side with a massive circle of close friends, a designer wardrobe and an awsome CD collection.
Oh and I visited your Bebo page, you have me addicted to Camera Obscura!!!
Ok u're gay so what's the big deal? there is no big deal at all ONLY when it opposes the rigid closeminded social norms of the majority; inthe stupid darwinist way the majority is always right althought good and bad are reltive;but the majority's oppinion always matter so fuck the rest[ excuse the f word]for me it's just the same thing as that guy ir girl's hair is red os that guy is a chinese or black if it's a good kind hearted person it doesn't matter;
ReplyDeletebut the problem i 'm willing to point out is that i've found throught my own experience that unfortunately many proud to be gay type of fellows have turned themselves to be more narrowminded closed minded conservative extremely sellfish than many so called "straight" guys and even straight gay haters; now modern pshychology and psichiatry have found that many gay haters turn out end up as being themselves closet gays and their selfhatred drives them leads them to acting like haters; but the problem is more complex than even this conclusion;
as a bi guy [who what a paradox dislikes anal sex] i've always been open minded enoying the idea of sex orgy involving more than 2 persons despite the negative superficial labeling of this term as promiscuity etc because in the spirit of Ancient Greece TRULLY SEX FREEDOM such labels stereotypes restrictions esp in the city state of Athens didn't exist therefore the modern day society's hypocrisy claims the heritage of the ancient greek civilization;
LOl it's me i've just changed the nickname;into another one wich better fits my today's inner mood;
ReplyDeletethe spirit of the ancient greek civilization just adding now wich also used to carefully educate young generations in the spirit of true tollerance and proper understanding over sex matter wich nowadays are defined as sexual issues; of course i'm not talking about bestiality sado masochism violent rape as true harmful sexual deviations;
for a better understanding over the cult of male beauty especialy at younger ages I highly recommend u the book written by the frech art historian Hyppolite Taine "The History of Art' the chapters dedicated to the Ancient Greece;
basically I'm pointing out that lving under the cult of esp male nude body ancient greeks used to have a better more acuratte understanding ,passion devotion apreciattion for consentual gay sexual relationships but also pointed out the HUMANITY instead of animal side of us; Plato the great philosopher was the author of the concept of "platonic love' to wich i submitt wich wittnessed a strong popularity among athenian citizens even among his opponents like Aristotle his disciple; a noble idealistic concept wich the superficial today's society has almost forgotten;
besides what i'm willing to point out is that ancient greek society was totally open to younger and older male sexual relationships starting from the age of 12; the main form of both entertainment and fancy meetings in the ancient greece society were the so names sympozios; in wich such sexual relationships were perfectly normal among highly spiritual discussions about art literature etc and of course drinking;
obviously nowadays such behaviour is laballed as illegal wich shows how much the rigid christian puritan moral norms have changed the society;
and this affects also the gay comunity in wich the political corectness has become a let's name it "straight' moral norm in order to satisfy the tremendous pressure of the christian fundies and puritan neomoralists;
i'm not talking about advantages and disadvantges of such attitude i'm just exposing in to free thinking bloggers;
I'd also would like to point out another issue wich bothers me talking about the gay comunity and the mainstream gay attitudes is the excesive jelousy patterns of behaviour wich unfortunately occur more throughtout the gay comunity in worse forms than in the straight comunity; even when it's about bi persons.. but good luck sorry for my too long posts!!!!!
and as a short conclusion wich maybe fits the topic here is just a simple statement posted by a wise youtuber[not me]--with my additionds:
ReplyDelete"The notions of good and bad are personal, relative and contextual.
The sources of our morals are our genes + pre-natal and post-natal environment (including society), which influenced and still influence our everyday development."
now of course the issue is to figure out wich of them have the main importance but this is a too complicated issue..
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO U JOW AND ALL THE PEOPLE U LOVE AND CARE FOR!!!!!!!!! AND OF COURSE I WISH U LOTS OF BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS TOGETHER once Joe is such a brilliant person!!!!!!!!glad coz I've found ur blog!!!!!with much respect and admiration Nick just a humble unimportant utuber;
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHH!!!!!!!!
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ReplyDeleteLOLOLOL. ahaha. right.
ReplyDelete